bygones! now that's in the past and my cable is perfect...and so is the new viewing season...finally reason to sit home and grow progressively larger in the butt area....tradeoffs....but that's another blog and not my own.
i am getting up to speed on old and new series alike....some i've never managed to see in the past and some are just too worthwhile not to remind you to catch them if you can....so, here's goes....
- Dancing with the Stars - granted it's been on for 4 prior seasons, but it's all new again....same professional dancers, but they're worth drooling over, male and female, regardless of the public inability to make an informed voting decision....hello? you got rid of the sports illustrated cover model (granted, she can't dance), and the hot young male model....sure, he danced like a stripper they said, but he gave everyone hope that maybe one day he would....or maybe at least suffer a wardrobe malfunction like the one that happened the first season to kelly monaco (the winner, a soap actress) - her dress exploded during the final routine and her top flew off....she managed to finsh the dance with one arm over the boobage and the other in proper latin finger formation (jazz hands, YEAH!) see, you can't not watch tv like this....it's a trainwreck waiting to happen... and everyone loves a good trainwreck....that said, wayne newton is still there....so there's bound to be a collision or a derailment in the near future...my vote goes to jenny garth from 90210....she's still beautiful, she's shy, approachable and oh so normal while having a bit of sizzle. of course there's some hot fast competition coming up fast behind in my book like the race car driver and the cheeto cheese puff girl.....watch it! monday at 8pm eastern on ABC - check your local listings or catch full episodes on ABC.com
- Ugly Betty -- easily the best show to hit television since the year 2000 when reality shows began dominating the airwaves. finally something witty, clever, tart, bitchy, sarcastic, dark, evil, fun and fashionable not to mention fashion challenged! living in nyc, i love the pure mock-umentary feel of it....it's the devil wears prada brought to the jcpenny crowd! i'm going to save up and buy season 1 on dvd when it's out...i only saw the last episode of the first season and it made me laugh so hard i cried, that was before gunshots rang out and i really bawled my eyes out...enough said. TUNE in! ABC Thursdays 8pm eastern
- Cane -- an epic of biblical proportions that both misses the mark and was slower than a plague of locusts. An all star cast from Rita Moreno and Jimmy Smits to some hot young soap folks and the only other hispanic actor ever to work Hector Elizondo....what a waste. Cane centers around the sugar cane farms of southern florida and a family with a rum based empire...i should have known by that alone....i hate rum....and rum and coke is a waste of coke...which i also dislike....overall, i feel the best way avoid this would be a quick slash and burn....either cut the show from the schedule or burn the fields and stop the family from having any more of their slow and unmoving traumas. No idea of the date or time or network - i deleted it from dvr after 1 episode.
- big bang theory -- funny, funny, funny....not sexy....per se....but smart....a level of smart that a lot of people won't stay tuned for....i don't know if they'll get an audience that they might if it were more low-brow....but if you watch more than an espisode, the characters of sheldon and leonard are well written, geniuses with petty quirks and primal urges....one of the funniest lines the first episode was one of the guys ruminating on the hot new female neighbor (penny,)..."our babies will be smart and beautiful". to which his counterpart responded "not to mention, imaginary". now come on....how can you not want to root for these poor clueless bastards?! they have a trio of uber-geek friends that will make you laugh just at the meet-cute of the episode....watch for doctor spock, the stereo-typical indian genius and another random geek....if you don't laugh out loud, i'll have to laugh even louder alone! Monday nights, check local listings.
- ghost whisperer -- great show, even though i can't stand j-love hewett. why do they allow her to keep dressing herself? sure, she's got major boobage, but come on, she dresses like she's always on her way to a luau or somewhere else you'd where a butt-ugly mumu to...and yes, she dresses like that when not on tv too. she has a hot hubby. she sees dead people. she freaks people out and often will leave you emotionally drained by the end of an episode if you're at all human....the foibles of the dead are as trying as those of the undead....and in some cases, they're far worse....Fridays 8pm CBS
- dog whisperer -- this guy's an idiot. he's named after a gourmet dog food (cesars) and not a dead dog or ghost to speak of. everything you can learn from this dud, not dude, dud, you can learn by putting your dog on a leash and taking it for a walk....now if your dog sees dead people, melinda, the ghost whisperer has previously dealt with that on her show, so watch her for a fix of someone whispering.....skip it.
- dirty sexy money -- subtle, smart, funny, didn't suck me right in, but it got me....not quite SOAP from the 70's, and not the Dynasty of the 80's but definitely heading towards the Melrose Place of the 90's kind of fun and debauchery...without all the hotties sleeping together since here, they're all siblings....this is the first time i've run into a real live tranny pretending to act....oh Candis Cayne...i knew you when....you know...before you're little snippety do-dah-day....heck, i think i helped pay for your female nose...wasn't that a party at the palladium in the early 90's before they tore down the discos? i'll ask fletcher, i'm sure i was there with him....but come on candy....when you were drag queen, you couldn't act, sing, or dance, but you were funny....now that you've become the bionic super bitch, you're not even funny....stop taking yourself so damn seriously, you've got more plastic parts than my ikea entertainment center and way less longevity....Wednesdays ABC 10PM
- the Bionic Woman -- not Candis, but still creepy and totally rebuilt....and actually, equally hard to know if it's live or mammarex....i expected this show to go in one of two directions, hoping it would go towards the original version, you know a camp classic with unbearable dialog and fun battles....nope....went creepy and sci-fi....with indiscernible dialog and violent fight scenes. i canceled this from my dvr immediately after 1 episode. i'm sure it will last though....sci-fi fans are a freaky bunch who are certain to embrace this next embodiment of non-entertainment just because they're hoping one day to find that bionics and such will allow for personality transplants, or atleast implants. Skip it on NBC.
- Private Practice -- enough with the freakin' medical bullshit....if i see one more suture, or another head wound or another naked doctor....have you been in a hospital anytime recently? well, i have, and believe you me, there is no doctor, steamy, dreamy, hottie, tottie, stuffy, muffy, buffy, or even cutie that i've encountered and nyc has the best of all possible residents...you know they picked the hottest ones available, since that's what HR folks do...off the record....the false representation of hot doctors is misleading and will only serve to increase waiting times in e.r. waiting rooms in the long run....besides, if it's private, keep it off the tv. and if you still need practice, stay home and call us when you've got it down to a science. by then, maybe you're going realize there's more on tv than reality programs and medical dramas....
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